51 Funny Morning Sayings to Start Your Day

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Everyone struggles to get up in the morning… at least a little. But there’s one thing that can help put a little pep in your step, and that’s having a good laugh! This list of funny morning sayings are good for a chuckle, and sometimes that’s enough to get you started on the right foot.

Enjoy this collection of quips, quotes, and jokes as you roll out of bed with a smile!

Funny Morning Sayings About Waking Up

funny morning sayings i need new clothes

“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?” — J.R.R. Tolkien

“Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard. Then my mind laughs at me and says ‘Good joke.’ Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed.” — Gehenna Toss

“Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day.” — Terry Pratchett

“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” — James Marsden

“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” — Jim Davis

“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.” — Kristen Chandler

“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” — Punit Ghadge

“Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.” — Robert Heinlein

i don't like mornings funny saying

“Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” — Rachel Caine

“My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door.” — Willie Geist

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” — Lewis Black

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” — Groucho Marx

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” — Benjamin Franklin

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben

“It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning.” — H.G. Wells

“Mornings are almost clean slates. I say almost because the residue of yesterdays is sometimes stuck on them.”  — Medeia Sharif

“I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently.” — Kevin Hearne

“Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee.” — Aleksandra Ninkovic

“I wake up in the morning and lay in my bed waiting for my mom to prepare breakfast. And suddenly I remember that I’m the mom.” — Unknown

the best part of waking up funny morning sayings

“The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me”. — Unknown

“Getting up early is the first step in the wrong direction.” — Unknown

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” – Glen Cook

“There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning’!” – Fulton J. Sheen

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black

“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” – Ursula K. Le Guin

“Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield.” – Catherynne M. Valente

“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.” – Pablo Picasso

“The lawyer’s first thought in the morning is how to handle the case of the ringing alarm clock.” – Edward Packard, Jr.

“Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan

Breakfast Coffee on Table Good Morning Quotes

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch

“Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move?” – Jeanette Winterson

“I’m about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler.” – Jarod Kintz

“No! I’m not ready, this is still my first cup of coffee!” – Anthony Liccione

Check out these funny wake up songs to add more humor to your mornings!

Funny Quotes to Brighten Your Day and Get You Moving

These hilarious quotes aren’t specifically about mornings, but they are great for a laugh to get your morning going!

“The lack of money is the root of all evil.” – Mark Twain

“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.” – Mitch Hedberg

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov

“When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?” – George Carlin

good morning nice butt

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedburg

“I never said most of the things I said.” – Yogi Berra

“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.” – Mitch Hedberg

“Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.” – Bill Hicks

a bad morning with coffee

“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx

“Always do whatever’s next.” – George Carlin

“Do not take life too seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis

“One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.” – Franklin P. Jones

Funny Coffee Mugs

Ensure that you have a daily chuckle over your morning cuppa with these cheeky coffee mugs.

- Amanda Seghettiir?t=bephoenixfit 20&language=en US&l=li3&o=1&a=B006I6PEBA - Amanda Seghetti

Coffee makes me poop.

41hj4VcKdPL. SL250 - Amanda Seghettiir?t=bephoenixfit 20&language=en US&l=li3&o=1&a=B0878C465Y - Amanda Seghetti

Shhhhh – my coffee and I are having a moment I’ll deal with you later

41LhOn okIL. SL250 - Amanda Seghettiir?t=bephoenixfit 20&language=en US&l=li3&o=1&a=B01GOZEVI6 - Amanda Seghetti

To Do List: 1. Wake up 2. Drink coffee 3. Poop 4. Be Awesome

51bttyr35jS. SL250 - Amanda Seghettiir?t=bephoenixfit 20&language=en US&l=li3&o=1&a=B01DD00M3I - Amanda Seghetti

Don’t Speak ! Hold on… ok I’m listening

41UdR64bfeL. SL250 - Amanda Seghettiir?t=bephoenixfit 20&language=en US&l=li3&o=1&a=B084Q8PZ3M - Amanda Seghetti

Rise and shine mothercluckers

41++GI3k04L. SL250 - Amanda Seghettiir?t=bephoenixfit 20&language=en US&l=li3&o=1&a=B08MB79XF2 - Amanda Seghetti

Good morning I see the assassins have failed

41jwu2HyLmL. SL250 - Amanda Seghettiir?t=bephoenixfit 20&language=en US&l=li3&o=1&a=B07CBSVV4X - Amanda Seghetti

Shhh coffee before talkie

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