Top 50 Funny Mom Quotes for Mother’s Day
Being a parent is tough, but a little humor gets us through! These funny mom quotes are perfect for when you need a relatable laugh or some funny mom sayings about the struggles of parenthood.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read more about these links in my disclosure policy.
Parenting is HARD. As I continue this journey of raising my four children, I have learned to live by two important rules:
- Soak up every moment because the days are long but the years truly are short. So, get those extra snuggles, spend those few extra minutes with your little one before bed instead of doing work, and take as many pictures as you can.
- The second thing I have learned is you MUST laugh! It’s so easy to get bogged down in the daily stressors of parenthood and life in general, but learning to take a step back and laugh at yourself, the situation, or the curve balls life is throwing you is the only way to get through it in one piece!
So, maybe it’s Sunday night and you’re looking for a pick me up before the dreaded week begins. Or it’s Monday morning and you’ve got a minute to yourself with your cup of coffee you’ve reheated 4 times this morning already. Or you’re looking for some funny Mother’s Day quotes to make yourself or another mom smile.
Either way, I have some funny mom quotes that are guaranteed to make you chuckle!
If these funny quotes made your week, make it part of your routine with
this coloring book for mom – therapeutic AND hilarious!
Funny Mom Quotes for the Sleep-Deprived Mom
“Sleep when the baby sleeps. Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry.”
Yep, and cry when the baby cries. It’s what all the good moms do from lack of sleep.
“Parents complain about not getting enough sleep then stay up late scrolling through Instagram and Zillow. It’s me. I’m parents.”
All your husband needs to know in the morning when you’re asking for coffee, is that you were up late. Period.
“It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.”
How will they function if I am not ten steps ahead?!
“Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing a bed with a drunk octopus who is looking for his car keys.”
Oh, don’t mind me, I’ll just sleep on my side at the edge of the bed the next 3 years.
“Every night I try to get 8 hours of sleep in 4 hours.”
“Them: ‘You look tired.’
Me: ‘I have kids. I’m pretty sure this is just my face now.’”
Is this an upgrade or downgrade from my pre-kid RBF?
“Working mothers are like guinea pigs in a science experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.”
I think we can agree here that “working mothers” is redundant, because we ALL work. The results are in: Sleep. Is. Very. Necessary.
Mom Quotes About Doing it All:
“Based on the amount of laundry I have to do on a daily basis; I’m going to assume there are people living in this house that I haven’t met yet.”
Maybe these mystery humans will take a turn on the chore wheel.
“Hey NASA, do you mind looking for my son’s shoes while you’re on Mars? He’s looked ‘everywhere.’”
But, did you look with your eyes open? You must have inherited this skill from your dad.
“How to keep up with laundry:
1. You can’t.
2. Find a new dream.”
Just a heads up: the dishes situation isn’t much better over here at the Seghetti house.
“I feel like nobody prepared me for how long I’d be wiping my kids’ butts and I’m not ok with it.”
It’s a promotion from diapers, but I mean, barely.
Related: How to potty train your toddler the easy way
“Now, tell me more about these ‘days off’ and ‘weekends’ you speak of and how do I sign up for them?”
Week-END? When does this week ‘end’ that you speak of? Parenting can sure feel a little bit like Groundhog Day. I see you, Bill Murray.
“Being a mom means having to choose between eating, showering, or sleeping. You can’t do all three in one day.”
I guess you could attempt all 3 at once? I can tell you this: the sleeping didn’t happen for me today, and showering isn’t looking so promising either. Tomorrow is another day.
“I feel like I should create a recording of me saying PLEASE CLEAN THAT UP so I can hit play 500 times a day.”
Also needed: Get out of the cabinet, don’t sit on the dog, put your penis away, and don’t lick that.
“Parenthood is a journey except it’s just traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long.”
Such a long and never-ending journey it is. At least I’m getting my steps in.
Funny Mom Quotes About Making Mom Friends:
“Just saw a mom driving down the road in her minivan, windows down blaring 90’s hip hop, eye rolling at a loudly whining kid…If that was you and you’re reading this, come over. I have White Claw.”
Did we just become best friends? YEP!
“I see you have created a tiny human. I, too, have done this.”
After a certain age, it feels tough to make quality friends (kind of like in high school but older)! Why not try to be nice and direct about it, with a dash of awkward?
“Not all who wander are lost. Some are Moms, in Target, filling their carts with a bunch of things they don’t even need.”
Preach. This was me this morning. I tell you what – Going to target mid-morning on a Tuesday is probably one of the best ways to make a new mom friend. It’s the equivalent to a packed club on a Saturday night full of men trying to pick up a wife. You already know you have one thing in common: mutual love of the Dollar Spot!
“A good mom friend will volunteer to be on your kid’s emergency contact list for school. A great mom friend will laugh and not judge you when you let her know she’s already been on the emergency contact list for three years.”
They would have figured it out, eventually.
“Everyone needs a mom friend they can text and say ‘This stage of parenting might just kill me. Just wanted to let you know in case I don’t make it.’”
We will ALL make it. We need that support though; it takes a village for sure!
“Currently approaching my kids’ friends based on which parents I think will drink wine with me on play dates.”
You bring the wine, I’ll bring the lawn chairs to sit in while we watch the kids run amok in the yard. (BTW I got this travel tumbler in my last FabFitFun box and it’s perfect for sipping during soccer practice, just saying!)
“When you try to make plans with other mom friends and you realize none of you are free for the next 20 years.”
That was cute. Nice try, better luck next time.
“Moms, instead of judging each other, let’s support each other like we used to when we were drunk in the club bathrooms.”
Get it, girl. You’re killin’ this mom thing!
“Momversation: When you’re mid-convo with another mom and you need to stop mid-sentence to yell at your kid, then you pick back up exactly where you left off without missing a beat.”
Where was I?
Finally, for all you moms who remember Mean Girls, I’m sure you can relate: “I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”
Quotes for Mom with Friendly Jabs About Dads:
“My husband coughing the moment I got the baby to sleep is why spouses are the number one suspect in homicide cases.”
We have a saying in our household: ‘You wake her, you take her.’
“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.”
Yes, please. Just one glorious night.
“I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you’re a great mom. Those kids are just bad. They probably got that gene from their dad.”
And don’t you forget it!
“Daddy’s a lot nicer than you are, Mommy.
That’s probably due to all of the extra rest he gets, dear.”
Now get outta my face.
“On my nightstands, there’s a baby monitor, tissues, sound machine, nose frida, fan remote, glass of water, two pacifiers, hair tie, and my phone. On my husband’s nightstand, a phone. If that doesn’t perfectly sum up motherhood and fatherhood, I don’t know what does.”
Yup, perfect summary.
“I just bought my husband a ‘get better soon’ card. He’s not sick…I just think he could be better.”
“Being a mom means kids banging on the door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower…And dad is in the kitchen.”
If you can relate to these cheeky quotes like me about dad, go ahead and check out this T-shirt – a funny mom shirt is the perfect purchase for mom’s next birthday or Mother’s Day!
FYI – I jokingly give my husband a hard time, but all in good fun. He’s actually pretty awesome and I put together this list of loving and motivational quotes for husbands because of it.
Funny Mommy Quotes About No Privacy:
“If I ever go missing, please follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I try to hide.”
When are they going to finish inventing that invisibility cloak from Harry Potter?
“You know you’re a mom when being in the car alone is exciting.”
If there was EVER a Mother’s Day quote that was so perfect, it’s this one. Driving alone is the only time nowadays I can listen to MY music.
“If you’ve never said ‘you need to back up a little so I can wipe myself,’ then do you even have kids?”
You’re in my bubble. And literally my inspiration for creating this TikTok.
“What do I want for Mother’s Day? A night of uninterrupted sleep, a hot cup of coffee, and 5 minutes to poop alone.”
Leaving this one right here for my husband so he can’t say he didn’t know EXACTLY what I want.
“80% of parenting is yelling through a closed bathroom door.”
Wait, closed? Tell me how this works, moms! You may think it changes when your kid turns 19. It doesn’t.
Funny Mom Sayings About Food:
“Yes, please get a new cup every time you need a drink of water – said no mom ever.”
And please, spill at least a cup a week all over the floor while you’re at it. Thanks.
“You’re not the boss of me’, I whisper under my breath, as I make 4 different lunches for my kids.”
Don’t worry, I’ll just use the scraps to assemble my lunch.
“Parenting is: Buying 5 bananas and watching them all get eaten in one day. Then buying 8 bananas and watching them rot because ‘nobody likes bananas.”
I…I give up.
“‘It’s spicy’- Universal mom code for ‘I don’t want to share.’”
So much of my chocolates are too “spicy” for my kids. Shhhh.
“If you don’t have remnants of cereal or granola bar at the bottom of our purse, are you even a mom?”
I was saving that for later, you know.
“Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put laundry in the oven.”
I’d say it’s about 50/50.
“Most of my time as a mother has been spent in a closet, eating something I didn’t want to share.“
Mom hack: I like to keep my Oreos in the console in my car. They still haven’t found my secret hiding place.
Funny Parenting Quotes From Celebrities:
“The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kids didn’t finish.” – Carrie Underwood
Running on fumes and Goldfish crackers over here.
“I know how to do anything – I’m a mom.” – Roseanne Barr
And if I don’t know, Google will help me figure it out. Then I’ll do 3 things at once.
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinghouse
In my case, it’s the quickest way for the little ones to wake up from a nap!
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it!” – Jerry Seinfeld
I can’t imagine handling two at once!
“Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” – Ed Asner
This was something they should have included in What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
Other Funny Mother’s Day Quotes and Mom Jokes on Being a Hot Mess and Just Surviving!
“Messy hair, don’t care. Actually, I DO care. It’s just that motherhood has forced me to lower my standards by a LOT.”
As long as there’s nothing stuck in my hair, we are golden.
“I just broke up a fight between my daughter and her doll in case you’re wondering what parenting an only child is like.”
They doll won this round.
“Once you stop being stressed if they mix the Play-doh colors, the second part of your life begins.”
Who cares? They’re just going to leave the top off the container and let all the mixed colors dry up anyway.
“School drop off: Where my kids look like GAP models and I look like a cast member of the Walking Dead.”
Speaking of MOMsters:
“MOMster: What happens to mom after she counts to three.”
Don’t make me transform. Not today.
“When your ‘mom voice’ is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.”
Maybe we should move to the country where I don’t need to modulate my ‘requests.’
Hey Mama. I see you. We laugh but we know mommin’ is hard.
Just remember, no matter how long those days feel, you’re absolutely amazing and completely awesome.
Being a mom of four is the hardest thing I’ve done so far, and I know it isn’t going to get any easier any time soon. But these kids are worth it, and at least with some funny mom quotes handy, I can laugh about it.
Because that’s what helps us get through the day right?
When your kid takes off their diaper and smears their poop, when they dump their snack out and the dog eats it faster than you can pick it up, or when you realize you’ve been walking around Target with your nursing bra unhooked on both sides and your shirt pulled halfway up….you just have to laugh.
Do you have any funny mom quotes to share? Maybe an original one of your own? Please share in a comment – I’d love to read them the next time I’m hiding from my kids!